intent & wonder

shhhh…I’m doing a half ironman tomorrow, but don’t tell me.

I don’t know why it’s been so hard to accept. I’ve been signed up for the Patriot Half since December, so it’s not like it just happened. I’ve been training. The bike sessions have certainly gotten longer. I’ve got about a thousand calories of race food tucked into various feed bags, so I know I’ll be working for a long time tomorrow. Hell! I’ve even done a pre-ride of the course with a 70.3 veteran. ( I never follow this excellent advice – I like ignorance)

So why is it that I’m just getting around to mentioning it to my family?
And why haven’t I added it to the Team Betty race schedule?

In some weird way, I’m afraid of failing. And I don’t even know what ‘failing’ means to me. Being slow? Being last? DNFing? Getting lost on my way to the race? Looking foolish?
(I’ve done all of these things before and survived.)

It’s not because I’ve never done a 70.3 before, but possibly it’s because I have.

In 2012, after completing my first Olympic distance triathlon (as a total non-swimmer) a single thought inspired me to sign up for my first  – “Holy crap, you just swam a mile! You should totally sign up for a half iron right now while you can swim a mile, cuz what’s another .2?!” 6 weeks later I was doing my first. Never mind that the oly race was my only open water swim and I couldn’t even move in the 59° water…Wow! 56 miles on the bike is so much further than 26 miles!

So, now I have no bliss of ignorance. But I do have more appropriate training. I have an awesome respect for the distances. And I think it’s possibly this respect that has me a little nervous. I hope to show up tomorrow to race on the course – last time I just wanted to survive (and shake off the hypothermia). I’d like to be able to manage my pace and my nutrition so that I can race the whole course. But I’ve it before.

So what’s the worst thing that happens? I don’t hit my pace goals for some reason or another – I will learn. Just like everyone else who is now a veteran of the longer courses. That’s cool.

Ok, so world… I’m doing a 70.3 tomorrow. Holy crap!